Monday, 10 September 2012

Too Lenient or am I just that good?

I am lucky enough to have many friends out in blog land that I can share my joys and frustrations with regarding this lifestyle. It seems to me that there is a community of loving, accepting people out there that are always ready to listen when you need someone to listen, offer advice when you need advice or a prayer when you need a prayer. And when the time comes, I am happy to listen, give advice or send up a prayer to those friends who may also need it.

One of the privledges to being part of such a wonderful community, is hearing others stories. We all a little bit different from one another. What may be important to one HOH, may not be to another. Some HOH's are very strict and have very high expectations from their significant other, while others may be more lenient of certain behaviour. Some HOH's find themselves disciplining rather frequently (some times daily), while other rarely have to use discipline. Some HOH are extremely consistant, never faultering or appearing to second guess themselves. While others openly admit to struggling with consistency.

As odd as this sounds, my husband is both strict and lenient, consistent and inconsistent. Wierd, eh? (I through in the eh for my American friends out there!) Let me explain:

Both strict and lenient? How does that work?

I generally try to follow the 4 D's of domestic discipline (danger, disrespect, dishonesty, disobedience)

However, we have specific rules that I am expected to always follow that fall into the above catergories. Things such as going to bed by 12, carrying my cell phone with me at all times, keep the house neat and tidy, and so on.

These rules are black or white, yes or no. With these rules he is very strict, I either broke the rule or I didn't. And since there is no grey area or possible loopholes to get through, when the rule is broken, I can expect consequences.

However, for many items that still fall into the 4 D's that we do not have a specific rule for, I find him very lenient or inconsistent. There have been times were I catch myself talking to him very disrespectfully and stop to glance up at him to see how he is going to react. To date, I have never been disciplined for disrespect. This is where that variation between HOH's really come into play. Some HOH's would never tolerate some the things I say, while others would probably find me respectful (I'm not nasty and rude all the time!!!!) .

I love reading others blogs, and hearing everyones stories. I spend much of my spare times doing so. However, I often catch myself feeling somewhat jealous. Crazy, I know! But I just wish my husband could me a little more attentive in some of the other areas of DD, and not just to the specifics. I often go weeks without even getting a lecture. But then, I can't help but ask myself... is it because he is just too lenient or am I just that good???


  1. Obviously you are just that good Becky! I know what you're saying. It's the same for me.

    1. Thanks Joanie, I was thinking it must be because I'm just that good!

  2. Oh, you're just very good. :)

    Honestly though--from our experience here, it took a lot longer for M to get his head around the subjective things and deal with them than it did to deal with firm rules. He could be objective/cut and dry about those. The other stuff has taken more time and come into play only as he has really cared about them. It amazes me sometimes what he decides to care about! All I can suggest is be patient and keep talking about it, not to nag him but so that you know what he's thinking.

  3. Very good advice, I see progress from the both of us in our journey into DD, so I know its just a matter of being patient and keeping open communication, just like you suggested. Thanks

  4. I think maybe it's in the context of use, Becky. Ward and I were in a giggly/tickly/playful mood one night & I said something that was a tiny bit sassy, totally disarmed him and made me chuckle. So I tucked that little trick away.

    The week after we were having a serious conversation and I wanted to lighten the mood, so I pulled out the little trick, expecting him to laugh again, but I got a very stern look, the raised eyebrow and a, "I'd watch myself if I were you, little girl." That was loud and clear.

    So maybe what you're seeing as inconsistent is a clear line in his Hoh'y mind. It's like learning to speak another language, lol, I think Rosetta Stone has a 10 day to Speaking Better HoH course. I should check it out:)